Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize