just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
