remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So many bounce houses so little time
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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