Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
