no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
