You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
