I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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