I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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