yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
