Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
