and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
