What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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