Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize