Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
