i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
