so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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