how can u be prego again
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
