Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
