Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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