I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Can i not drive my cunt home
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
