There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
