who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
