The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
