your parents love me but you hate me
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
