Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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