How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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