He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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