I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
