I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
