I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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