remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
