dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she smelled like a LAN party
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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