Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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