I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
