i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
