i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
