my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When are your genitals available?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
