can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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