can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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