Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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