Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
