My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm bleeding and have questions
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
