Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In other news, I just burned my penis
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
