Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Blood and glitter go together right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
