carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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