I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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