we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
