wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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