Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
