2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
