I heard we made out
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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