I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize