I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
