This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
