why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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