just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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