No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
