id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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