Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
