mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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