if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
