We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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