Dual....:-)
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
