dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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