Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
