they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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