If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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